Blunderland's Finest Tales
by srdaire
Summary: Several friends end up in Wonderland and screw up everything. Spoofs of just about anything my friend and I can think of. I own nothing, and neither does my friend.
1. Alice in Blunderland

Part One: Alice in Blunderland

Aleah, Jackie, Damian, Jaz, Bridget, and the two identical twins, Schuy and Keely, sat in a circle in the middle of Bridget's living room, reading Lewis Carroll's _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_.

Bridget read the book out loud in a clear voice, while Damian and the twins constantly interrupted, making little comments here and there.

"'In another moment, down went Alice after it, never once considering how in the world she was to get out again.'"

"Can someone actually fit into a rabbit hole?"

"'Alice had not the slightest idea what latitude was, or longitude either, but she thought they were nice grand words to say.'"

"How can someone not know what Latitude or Longitude is?"

"'If you drink much from a bottle marked "poison," it is almost certain to disagree with you, sooner or later.'"

"Alice is an idiot. It _did_ disagree with her, because she shrank."

"Will you guys quit talking?!" Jackie snapped in irritation.

At that moment, Felicia, dressed up as Hermione Granger from the _Harry Potter_ series, snuck into the living room with her wand in her grasp. As Bridget continued reading, Felicia pointed her wand at the group, and whispered, _"Apparate!"_

With a POOF! all eight teenagers were surrounded by a puff of lavender smoke, and once it cleared, they found themselves standing in Wonderland. All of them, except for Felicia, were wearing outfits from _Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland_. Aleah had become Alice, Bridget turned into McTwisp, the white rabbit. Damian was the Mad Hatter. Jaz transformed into the Cheshire-Cat. Jackie became Stayne, the Knave of Hearts. Schuy turned into Tweedledum, while Keely became Tweedledee.

"OMG! What just happened?!" the seven new Alice characters exclaimed in confusion and alarm.

Jumping and clapping in delight, Felicia squealed, "Yes! My spell worked!"

Aleah/Alice scowled, raced towards Felicia, and stole her wand. Before Felicia could react, Aleah/Alice pointed the wand at her, and cried out, _"Transmogrify!"_

A cloud of pale blue smoke engulfed Felicia, and when it disappeared, everyone saw she had turned into Snow White.

"Hey!" Felicia cried out in aggravation, once she realized what she was wearing. Then, crossing her arms over her torso, she began to sulk. Aleah/Alice conjured an apple out of thin air and threw it at her. Upon seeing it, Felicia's eyes lit up. "Oo! Apple!" Picking it up off the ground, she took a bite, and then fell to the floor, asleep.

Shaking her head in annoyance, Aleah/Alice tossed aside the wand.

At that moment, Schuy/Dum and Keely/Dee began to argue over something stupid.

"Hey, Schuy, when we get home, can I borrow your hair dryer?" Keely/Dee inquired.

"No. You don't need it, I do. I'm prettier than you are," replied Schuy/Dum.

"No, I'm prettier! You're ugly."

Jaz/Cheshire-Cat began to laugh at them. "You're identical twins! You just called yourself ugly!"

Ignoring her, the twins began pushing each other, and pulling each other's hair. Then, a crow swooped down from the sky, and the girls ran off screaming.

Then a deep voice, kind of sounding like Gabe, that cool announcer guy, said:

"_Tweedledum and Tweedledee_

_Agreed to have a battle;_

_For Tweedledum said Tweedledee_

_Had spoiled his nice new rattle._

_Just then flew down a monstrous crow,_

_As black as a tar-barrel;_

_Which frightened both the heroes so,_

_They quite forgot their quarrel."_

After observing her surroundings, Bridget/McTwisp found a random table nearby, and upon it was a scroll "Cool!" she said, "I'm gonna call it _Oraculum_ just 'cause it sounds cool." Everyone gathered around, as she picked it up and read it aloud:

"'_Twas brillig, and the slithy toves_

_Did gyre and gimble in the wabe;_

_All mimsy were the borogroves,_

_And the mome raths outgrabe._

'_Beware the Jabberwock, my son!_

_The jaws that bite, the claws that catch!_

_Beware the JubJub bird and shun_

_The frumious Bandersnatch!'_

_He took his vorpal sword in hand:_

_Long time the manxome foe he sought –_

_So rested he by the Tumtum tree,_

_And stood awhile in thought._

_And as in uffish thought he stood,_

_The Jabberwock, with eyes of flame,_

_Came whiffling through the Tulgey wood,_

_And burbled as it came!_

_One, two! One two! And through and through_

_The vorpal blade went snicker-snack!_

_He left it dead, and with its head_

_He went galumphing back."_

All of the friends exchanged confused glances and said at the same time, "Huh?"

Then, Gabe's voice returned, sighing in exasperation, he said, "For all you idiots out there, it means Aleah/Alice has to kill the Jabberwocky."

"Oh!" they cried out in understanding.

Jackie/Stayne, who was a great animal lover turned to Aleah/Alice in distress and said, "No you don't. Don't kill the Jabberwocky!"

Frowning, Damian/Hatter cried out to Jackie/Stayne, "Woman! Stay out of this! She will kill the Jabberwocky!"

"No, she won't!"

"Yes, she will!"

Then, a sword materialized in each of their hands, and an epic battle ensued between them.

As they fought, the Jabberwocky swooped down from the sky, and landed before the group. Turning pale in fear, Bridget/McTwisp scuttled behind Jaz/Cheshire-Cat to hide. Also afraid, Jaz/Cheshire-Cat suddenly disappeared, leaving Bridget/McTwisp exposed.

Nervously, Bridget/McTwisp pulled out a pocket watch, and cried out, "Oh, no! I'm late!" Then, she sprinted off.

Now left alone with Jackie/Stayne and Damian/Hatter, Aleah/Alice stared wide-eyed at the Jabberwocky, and gulped nervously. She failed to notice that behind her, Felicia woke up, and upon seeing the terrifying creature, she searched for her wand. Finding it, Felicia grabbed it, and it transformed into a vorpal blade in her hand. She stood and ran to Aleah/Alice.

"Aleah!" she said. Aleah/Alice jumped in surprise, and spun around. "Here's the vorpal sword! Go kill the Jabberwocky!" without waiting for a reply, Felicia saw the apple once again. "Oo! Apple!" she squealed, dropping the sword. Picking it up, she took another bite, and fell asleep, once again.

Aleah/Alice gaped at her in astonishment, then shrugged, and picked up the sword. Feeling the weight of the blade in her hand, she stalked forward towards the creature. It lunged at her, trying to take a bite, but she dodged it. This happened for several minutes, until Aleah/Alice finally swung the sword, and chopped off its head. Once it was dead, Jackie/Stayne, and Damian/Hatter stopped fighting, and stared down at the head.

"That's cool and gross at the same time," Jackie/Stayne stated.

"Woman! No one asked you!" Damian/Hatter said.

With another POOF! of lavender smoke, the three teenagers found themselves back at Bridget's house with everyone else. Aleah looked at the _Alice's Adventures in Wonderland_ book that was on the floor, and noticed something different about it. The title now read _Alice in Blunderland._

"Whoa!" cried Jaz in bewilderment, "What just happened?"

Picking up the book, Bridget said, "That was weird."

After looking around a bit, they all realized that someone was missing.

"Hey, where's Felicia?" Aleah inquired.

Back in Wonderland, Felicia, still dressed as Snow White, woke up again, feeling groggy. Sitting up, she got her bearings, and spotted the apple beside her. "Oo! Apple!" she cried, picking it up. Once again, she took another bite, and fell back asleep. The End.

"No! You're wrong!" said Gabe's booming voice, "This is now the part where Gabe, the cool announcer guy, says_, 'And the moral of THAT is… birds of a feather flock together!'_"

**End**


	2. Snow White's Reign

Part Two: Snow White's Reign

As mentioned in part one, Felicia, still dressed as Snow White, was left behind in Wonderland. After being a twit and finishing the apple (and constantly falling asleep), she was now wide awake, walking through the Tulgey Wood, alone. After breaking through the trees, she saw a magnificent white castle.

"Cool!" she said with a smile, as she came to a halt. "I wonder if it belongs to anyone?" Suddenly, a wooden sign popped out of the ground before her with the words THIS CASTLE IS NOT OWNED printed on it. "Sweet! Finders keepers!" she squealed, running towards the elegant palace. Felicia burst through the front doors, and stared at the entrance way. "I shall call this place Mamoreal, 'cause it's a combination of _mamo_ and _real_. And a princess can't run a castle, but a queen can!" She rolled her eyes upward in thought. "Queen Felicia? No, sounds stupid." Then she glanced down at her outfit and her eyes widened in realization. "Queen Snow White!" she exclaimed, but then shook her head. "No, too long." With a sigh, she blew her bangs out of her face, and thought some more. "Snow White. Queen. Snow White. Queen. Of course! White Queen!" she exclaimed in delight. "White Queen is perfect! And my subjects shall be woodland animals and good people!" Felicia spread out her arms and immediately a group of deer, rabbits, squirrels, and birds surrounded her. One blue jay flew over her, and a bit of gray poop fell on her arm with a SPLAT! "Stupid bird," she muttered angrily.

Jackie's friend, Noelle, was born and raised in Wonderland and there, she was known as the Red Queen. On this particular day, Noelle/Red was taking a stroll through Wonderland with her pack of card soldiers when she came upon the dead Jabberwocky Aleah killed.

"Gross," she said, scrunching up her nose in disgust, as she stared down at the head by her feet. Then, something else, not far off, caught her eye. Felicia/White's wand. "What's this?" Noelle/Red asked in curiosity, picking it up off the ground. She turned it over in her hands, and as she did, a bunch of red sparks shot out of the tip and struck half a dozen of her card soldiers, turning them into frogs. "Oops," she said, and then shrugged. "It's mine now." As she and the rest of her card soldiers continued on their walk, she played around some more with the wand.

Bridget, Damian, Jaz, Aleah, Jackie, Keely, and Schuy were on vacation in Miami, Florida, looking at all of the nice fancy houses. In the middle of the nice homes was one creepy manor house with lightning striking in the background.

"I hope it doesn't rain today," Schuy said, staring at the lightning. Everyone looked up at the sky to see it was sunny except for the area above the creepy house.

"That's just weird," stated Aleah.

"I dare all of you to break into that house," said Damian, "And check it out."

"Okay," Jackie said with a shrug, strolling right up to it. They all followed her, including Damian.

After breaking a window, and hopping inside, they began to explore the house. Alone in one room, Aleah found a wardrobe with words carved into the door. "Wonderland Entrance," she read aloud. "Yeah right. Someone's just trying to trick me." But curiosity got the better of her, and she opened the door, and stepped inside. Blinking in surprise, she found herself in the middle of Tulgey Wood. "Oh my gosh!" she gasped, and then ran out of the wardrobe, and through the house to find her friends.

"Hey, guys!" she called out, as she stood in the middle of the hall.

Six heads popped out of doorways and stared at her.

"What's up?" Keely inquired.

"I found an entrance to Wonderland!" she exclaimed.

The identical twins exchanged skeptical looks and said in unison, "Alien freak."

"No, seriously," said Bridget, "What did you find?"

"I am being serious," Aleah insisted, "I found an entrance to Wonderland!"

Suddenly, they all heard a door slam and a creepy laugh, which sent shivers down their spines.

"Hide!" Jaz cried out in fear. Aleah ran back into the room with the wardrobe and the others followed her. One by one, they went through the entrance into Wonderland, and transformed back into their _Alice in Wonderland_ characters.

"Hmm. She wasn't lying. We really are back in Wonderland," said Jackie/Stayne gazing around the Tulgey Wood.

At that moment, there was a loud roar, and the Bandersnatch burst through the trees, coming to a halt before them. The seven friends screamed like little girls (including Damian/Hatter) and huddled together in a group. Bridget/McTwisp gulped in fear, and ran off.

"I sacrifice Aleah!" Damian/Hatter shouted, shoving her forward. She stumbled, but caught herself before she fell, and stared at the creature in fear. It stalked up to her and sniffed her. Aleah/Alice gulped in fear as it opened its mouth….

But instead of mauling her, like she expected, it licked her face with a long pink tongue. She blinked in surprise and screamed.

"AAAH! GEEERMS!" Then she keeled over in a faint.

Pointing and laughing, Jackie/Stayne said, "Haha! I _knew_ you were a cream puff!"

Schuy/Dum and Keely/Dee rolled their eyes in annoyance and muttered simultaneously, "Loser…."

Damian/Hatter knelt down beside Aleah/Alice and poked her in the side until she woke up. Once she was conscious and up on her feet again with Damian/Hatter, he said, "This is exactly why women belong in the KITCHEN!"

With her cheeks flaming in anger, Aleah/Alice snatched his hat off his head. Jaz/Cheshire-Cat ran forward and stole the hat from her.

"Yes!" she cried out in delight, "It's mine at last!" Then she vanished into thin air.

Not far off, Schuy/Dum was staring at her twin's shirt and saw the initials T.D. on the back. "Hey! That's _my_ shirt!"

"No it's not," Keely/Dee said, "It's _mine_."

"No, it's _mine_. The initials on the back are T.D. Tweedle_dum_."

"T.D. stands for Tweedle_dee_," Keely/Dee corrected.

"No it doesn't. Now give it back!" yelled Schuy/Dum.

Suddenly, the JubJub bird swooped down from the sky and carried off the twins.

During this minor confrontation, Damian/Hatter stood staring off into space, dumbstruck at the loss of his beloved hat. Blinking out of his reverie, he suddenly grabbed Aleah/Alice by the arm, his face red with fury. "Woman!" he yelled at her, "_You_ are coming with me and _you_ are going to help me find my hat because it's all _your_ fault!" He began to drag her off through the woods.

Left all alone, Jackie/Stayne stared at the Bandersnatch. With a shrug, she hopped onto its back, and it ran through the woods towards Salazen Grum. Upon arriving, she burst into the castle, which was owned by Noelle/Red and standing beside the queen was Keely/Dee and Schuy/Dum.

After exiting the Tulgey Wood, Aleah/Alice and Damian/Hatter found themselves right outside Mamoreal. They stopped in their tracks, and stared at the castle.

Forgetting about his hat, Damian/Hatter ran forward, dragging Aleah/Alice along. They burst through the front doors to find Felicia/White surrounded by woodland animals.

"Hi!" Felicia/White called out waving towards them, "Like my castle?!"

"Whoa!" said Aleah/Alice, gazing at everything, "This place is _epic_!"

"Felicia," said Damian/Hatter, "You being queen equals you standing here. You standing here equals you not in the kitchen. You not in the kitchen equals you not making me a sandwich. Now go."

The Queen's eyes narrowed in anger and she gave a low whistle. A red robin flew over Damian/Hatter and a glob of poop splattered on his head.

Back at Salazen Grum, Jackie/Stayne became Noelle/Red's right hand man, and the Tweedles became her faithful followers. At the moment, Noelle/Red was still playing around with Felicia/White's wand.

"I wonder who owned this first?" she inquired out loud, flicking the wand and causing red rose bushes to sprout from the castle floor.

Jackie/Stayne observed the wand and quickly recognized it. "It belongs to my friend, Felicia."

"Well, send her a message saying it now belongs to me," ordered Noelle/Red.

Jackie/Stayne quickly wrote the message on a piece of paper and gave it to the Bandersnatch, who clamped it between its teeth. "Give this to Felicia," she said.

The Bandersnatch sprinted out of the castle and travelled across the dirt road to Mamoreal. (The two castles were right next to each other). It burst through the front doors, and came to a halt before Felicia/White and dropped the message.

"What's this?" Felicia/White asked, picking up the note. After reading it, her face flamed in fury. "OH, HEX NO!" she screamed. "It's on now! No one steals my wand!"

"I did, remember?" said Aleah/Alice.

Felicia/White rounded on her and said, "Shut up, Blondie, and help me get my wand back!" The three friends climbed onto the Bandersnatch's back and rode him to Salazen Grum.

Once inside the Red Queen's castle, Felicia/White jumped off the Bandersnatch and stormed up to Noelle/Red. "Give me back my wand!"

"No. Finders keepers, losers weepers!" Noelle/Red taunted, sticking her tongue out.

"THAT'S IT!" Felicia/White screamed leaping and tackling her to the ground. As they fought each other, both of them holding the wand, the others began to fight as well. Aleah/Alice against the twins, and Damian/Hatter against Jackie/Stayne.

Aleah/Alice ran to a card soldier and stole its axe, then turned to the Tweedles. "Try and take me down."

A streak of red sparks shot out of the wand and struck Aleah/Alice turning her hair red. "Cool!" she cried, becoming distracted and admiring her new style. Taking their chance, the Tweedles knocked the axe out of her hand and wrestled her to the ground.

Without his hat, Damian/Hatter didn't have the heart to fight, and Jackie/Stayne quickly overpowered him.

Noelle/Red poked Felicia/White in the side where she was ticklish, causing her to release the wand. Noelle/Red jumped to her feet and stepped on her foe with one foot, pointing the wand at her.

"Give up!" she cried.

"Never!" Felicia/White snarled, trying to push Noelle/Red off of her.

"Yes. Because, I … am your sister!"

Felicia/White quit squirming and stared up at her in horror. "NOOO!" she cried out in despair.

With a flick of the wand, Noelle/Red sent them all (except for Jackie and herself) back to the creepy house in Miami, Florida.

"Aw man!" Jaz said, "I don't have Damian's hat anymore!" She began to sulk.

"That was fun!" said the twins high-fiving each other.

"Dammit!" Felicia swore, "She still has my wand!"

"Woman, this is all your fault!" Damian said, poking Aleah in the shoulder.

Ignoring him, Aleah said, "Where's Bridget?"

**End**


	3. McTwisp's Coup

Part Three: McTwisp's Coup

Over the summer, Aleah and Felicia took a trip to Silver City, New Mexico to go hiking up in the mountains. As they stopped to rest for a bit, they saw Bridget with white rabbit ears and a fluffy tail running ahead of them on the path. They exchanged confused looks.

"What the heck is she doing out here?" inquired Felicia.

"I dunno," Aleah replied with a shrug, "Let's ask her."

"BRIDGET!" they called out, running after her. She must not have heard them, however, because she didn't look back once. Bridget suddenly stopped, jumped, and disappeared inside the earth. Aleah and Felicia came to a halt beside a giant rabbit hole, and stared down it.

"Where do you think it goes to?" Aleah inquired.

Felicia shrugged and said, "Only one way to find out." She pushed Aleah down the hole, and jumped in right after her. Instead of hurtling towards their doom, they slowly fell like feathers in the breeze. The hole was covered in a multitude of flat-screen T.V.s that played _Tim Burton's The Nightmare Before Christmas._

"Oh my gosh!" cried out Aleah in delight, "I love this movie!"

With a bored yawn, Felicia curled up on her side, and said, "Wake me up when we reach the bottom." Then she fell asleep.

By the time the movie ended, they had reached the ground, and Aleah landed in the dirt on her feet, while Felicia fell into a pond, which woke her up from her nap. With a gasp of surprise, she floated in the water, and swam to shore.

Aleah now dressed as Alice, pointed at her and laughed, "Ha! You're all wet!"

Completely soaked, Felicia, now dressed as Snow White, scowled at her and said in irritation, "Shut up! Where are we anyways?"

"Looks like Wonderland," Aleah/Alice replied, looking around, "And we lost Bridget."

Realizing Bridget/McTwisp had disappeared, they began to wander around.

"You know, we really should find clues leading to Bridget," said Felicia/White.

"I think I found her trail," said Aleah/Alice staring at the ground.

"What makes you say that?"

Aleah/Alice pointed down, "There's a red line here leading through the woods that says BRIDGET'S TRAIL."

"Good enough for me," Felicia/White said with a shrug as they followed the trail. After a few minutes, the trail ended giving off no other clues to Bridget/McTwisp's whereabouts.

"Okay, now what?" Aleah/Alice asked.

With a sigh of exasperation, Felicia/White plopped down on her behind and sat leaning against a tree. "Where could she have gone?"

Aleah/Alice sat beside her, and they stayed like that for several minutes. A slice of pepperoni pizza suddenly materialized between them, and they stared at it in amazement. "Awesome! Lunch!" Aleah/Alice exclaimed, picking it up.

"I wouldn't eat that if I were you," Felicia/White warned, eyeing the pizza suspiciously.

"Why?"

"Because it was on the ground, for one. And two, it came out of nowhere. For all you know, it could be poisoned," said Felicia/White.

"If it was poisoned," said Aleah/Alice trying to use logic, "It would be marked poison, but since it's not, it should be safe to eat."

"Don't say I didn't warn you," muttered Felicia/White as she watched her friend cram the pizza into her mouth. Once she had finished eating, Aleah/Alice began to grow, and continued to grow until she was ten feet tall.

"What happened to me?" she cried out in despair, "I'm a giant!"

"Ditz," Felicia/White muttered under her breath as she stared up at her friend.

"Oh, no! What am I gonna do?! What am I gonna do?!"

At that moment, a water gun materialized beside Felicia/White with the words SHRINKING POTION printed on the side. She picked it up, and shot a pale blue liquid at Aleah/Alice, who quickly shrank back to her normal size.

"I told you not to eat the pizza," said Felicia/White, tossing the water gun aside, "Ditz."

"It was _pizza_!" said Aleah/Alice as if that explained everything.

"Come on," said Felicia/White standing up, "Let's keep walking before you do something even stupider."

"Hey!" Aleah/Alice cried out hurtfully, "I'm not stupid. Sniffle." She scrambled to her feet and the two friends continued walking through the woods.

After several minutes of walking, they passed by a group of apple trees. "Oo! Apples!" Felicia/White exclaimed delightedly, running to the nearest tree and picking one of the delicious fruit.

"No, Felicia, don't –" but the warning came too late. Snow White bit the apple and fell to the ground asleep.

"Idiot," Aleah/Alice said, staring down at her. She grabbed one of Felicia/White's arms and began dragging her through the apple-filled trees. By the time the sleeping girl woke up, they had made it to Mamoreal.

"Hey! My castle!" Felicia/White squealed joyously, jumping to her feet and running inside with Aleah/Alice right behind her. As soon as they stepped inside, their eyes beheld a horrifying sight. Everything inside was a crimson red! "WHAT?!" she screeched in shock.

At the sound of her voice, a bunch of deer, rabbits, squirrels, and birds slowly came out of hiding and timidly came up to her. Every single creature was a shade of red.

"It's the White Queen," they murmured, "The White Queen."

"What happened?" Felicia/White demanded of her subjects.

"After you left," said a rabbit hopping up to her, "The Red Queen arrived with a stick and used it to turn everything red."

"She _still_ has my wand?!" Felicia/White cried out in rage.

"Yes," replied a deer, "And she rules over Wonderland with Jackie."

"That girl's gonna get it!" said Felicia/White, grabbing Aleah/Alice by the arm and dragging her over to Salazen Grum.

Meanwhile, at the Red Queen's castle, Bridget/McTwisp strolled into the throne room where Noelle/Red was sitting, surrounded by card soldiers. Bridget/McTwisp was wearing a herald's uniform and stopped before the queen, munching on a carrot.

"Eh, what's up, Doc?" Bridget/McTwisp said before taking another bite out of her carrot.

"I'm not a doctor," said Noelle/Red with a frown. "Did you tell every citizen in Wonderland that I shall remain queen forever?"

"Yes, ma'am," Bridget/McTwisp said taking another bite out of the carrot. "I wish I could say it's been fun working for you, Red, but it hasn't. _Leedle, leedle, leedle_!" Those last three words were a secret signal. Thousands of red knights rushed in with weapons drawn. "GET THEM!" she commanded, and the red knights seized Noelle/Red, Jackie/Stayne, and the card soldiers.

Bridget/McTwisp scampered up to Noelle/Red and snatched the crown off her head. "Haha!" she cried out, "I'm king of the castle, and you're the dirty rascal!" Bridget/McTwisp sneered. As soon as she set the crown on top of her head, it grew longer, and spiky, and evil looking. "All hail King Bridget," she said sitting on the throne, "The new ruler of Wonderland."

Panicking, Noelle/Red pulled Felicia/White's wand out of her dress sleeve, and flicked it sending herself, and Jackie/Stayne to earth. They materialized on top of Damian, Jaz, Schuy, and Keely who were playing Twister at Jaz's house, causing all of them to fall over.

"Woman!" yelled Damian from the bottom of the pile, "Get off of me!"

"Shut up," said Jackie, hopping off the pile with Noelle.

"Guys, we're in serious trouble," Noelle said, helping the twins up to their feet.

"Why?" Jaz inquired, as she and Damian got off the ground, dusting themselves off.

"Because Bridget has taken over Wonderland!" Noelle and Jackie said at the same time, in dramatic voices.

Schuy and Keely exchanged skeptical looks, and said in unison, "What's so bad about that?"

Felicia/White and Aleah/Alice burst through the front doors of Salazen Grum in karate stances, ready to kick some serious butt, but were completely bewildered to see Bridget/McTwisp sitting on the throne. "BRIDGET?!" they cried out, falling over in surprise.

"What the heck are you doing here?" inquired Aleah/Alice.

"Where's Noelle?" Felicia/White demanded.

Bridget/McTwisp shrugged. "I don't know. She and Jackie disappeared, and I'm now the King of Wonderland."

Getting back up on their feet, Aleah/Alice and Felicia/White looked at each other and shrugged.

"It's just Bridget," said Felicia/White as she and Aleah/Alice began leaving out the door.

"Yeah, it's not like she'll destroy Wonderland or anything," agreed Aleah/Alice.

As soon as they were gone, Bridget/McTwisp sneered and gave a chaotic evil laugh.

Then Gabe, that cool announcer guy said, "Hey! Why wasn't I in the last story?! Bunch of losers…."

**End**


	4. Iggy's Stupidity

Part Four: Iggy's Stupidity

It was a warm and breezy evening at La Joya Community High School. The Marching Lobos Band was working on their drill, so those who were in pit had nothing to do (Aleah, Jaz, and Damian), were sitting on the sideline goofing off while the rest of the band (which included Felicia and the twins) were working hard.

Jaz was stretched out on the pit cart cat napping while Aleah lay in the grass and watched the clouds. Damian was messing around with a football like an idiot and he suddenly threw it towards Aleah.

"Heads up, Black Leia!" he shouted. Aleah sat up, saw the football flying at her face, screamed, and ducked. The football sailed over her head and flew straight at Iggy, the drum major, who was standing on the conductor's stand. It hit him in the side, causing him to stumble, lose his footing, and fall right off of the stand. Everyone laughed.

"DAMIAN, YOU MORON!" Aleah screeched at him, "YOU COULD'VE _KILLED_ ME!"

"Shut up, woman!"

"Quit fighting, will you?" Jaz asked groggily, "I'm trying to sleep here."

Just then, Mr. Weber called a five minute break. Felicia immediately walked over, grabbed _The Complete Works of Charles Dickens_ off of the marimba, sat down on the grass, and started reading. The twins followed, complaining about everything as usual. The five minute break soon turned into a twenty minute break, and all six of them started playing truth or dare.

Then suddenly, they heard tires squeal and brakes screech as a plain white van hurtled into the parking lot next to the practice field. The van screeched to a stop next to the fence that separated the field from the lot and Noelle and Jackie jumped out and ran to the fence. Aleah got up and hurried over, followed by Damian, Jaz, the twins, and Felicia, who had stopped reading for the moment.

"What are you two doing here?" Aleah asked.

"Bridget destroyed Wonderland!" Jackie and Noelle cried in unison.

"Nuh-uh, Bridget wouldn't do something like _that_…" Felicia said, flipping open her book once more and continuing to read.

"Yeah, Ginger isn't evil like you two," Damian pointed out adjusting his gray and black striped earflap cap he always wore, even during the summer.

"We're serous! Everything's gone!" Jackie insisted.

"Yeah! The Tulgey wood is burned down, the mushroom forest is trampled, and Mamoreal is smashed!" Noelle said. The she added, "Not that Mamoreal really mattered…. At least _my_ castle is still standing…." Felicia dropped her book and stared at Noelle in disbelief about her beloved castle.

"I've got _proof_!" Jackie announced, pulling a shattered piece of white marble out of her pocket. Felicia was pissed.

"That girl's gonna get it!" she snarled, climbing over the chain link fence.

"Wait!" Jaz said, "We can't just run off. Weber will notice!"

"I got this." Damian picked up his football and chucked it as hard as he could at Mr. Weber, hitting him in the head, and knocking him out. The band members cheered in delight and threw their drill packets into the air.

"_Ding dong the Weber's out_!" they sang, dancing around his unconscious body, "_Which old Weber? The evil Weber! Ding dong the evil Weber's out!_"

"Now let's go!" Felicia said urgently. Aleah nodded and climbed over the fence after her. Damian, Jaz, and the twins followed.

They all ran to the van, which didn't have seats in the back, so they all piled in and sat on the floor as Noelle and Jackie climbed into the driver and passenger seats. Noelle was the only one of them with a license, so she started up the van and stomped on the accelerator.

But Iggy, unnoticed throughout the commotion, slipped into the back and slammed the door shut as they screeched out of the parking lot.

"I didn't know you had a car," Aleah said, looking around.

"Oh, we don't," Jackie said, "We're returning this later.…" Then Iggy spoke up for the first time.

"Hi guys!" he said brightly, waving at them. Everyone turned to look at him.

"Iggy?!" the twins yelled in surprise.

"What are _you_ doing here?!" Damian demanded, and Iggy shrugged.

"You guys were running off so we _must_ be doing _something_ fun!" he said, clapping his hands with delight.

"Oi vai…" Aleah groaned, smacking herself in the forehead. Just then they squealed into the parking lot of a nearby park. Noelle cut the engine and hopped out. The rest of them followed.

Jackie led them to a drainage ditch and knelt down beside one of the drains. She lifted off the grate and hopped down into the dark hole, followed closely by Noelle, Aleah, Damian, Jaz, Felicia, and the twins. They all landed with a splash at the bottom and found themselves knee-deep in scummy water.

"EW!" Keely screamed.

"My shoes are _ruined_!" Schuy said miserably.

"Will you two just _shut up_?!" Jackie angrily yelled at them.

"_You_ shut up," Keely started.

"Loser!" Schuy finished for her.

"Yeah!" Iggy agreed.

"No one asked _you_!" Damian shouted at him.

"GUYS!" Felicia yelled, silencing them all, "SHUT UP _NOW_ BEFORE I TURN YOU ALL INTO FROGS!" Everyone instantly got quiet. "Now let's just focus on the mission of kicking Bridget's furry-tailed butt!" She stalked off down the dark passage and everyone else followed.

"Since when is the entrance to Wonderland a sewer?" Aleah asked, looking around.

"This is a sewer?" Iggy asked in a clueless manor. Everyone ignored him.

"Since Bridget took over," Noelle answered Aleah's inquiry. They suddenly stopped when they came upon a large grate that stretched from floor to ceiling.

"It's around here somewhere…" Jackie murmured, running her hands along the concrete tunnel wall. "Here it is!" She took a small key out of her pocket, fit it into a tiny, barely noticeable keyhole in the wall, and turned it. A large square section of the wall simply melted away, leaving a doorway that went straight into Wonderland. The nine teenagers stepped through and once again found themselves transformed into their _Alice in Wonderland_ characters, except for Iggy, who began to sulk because he didn't get a cool outfit.

They looked around in shock to see Wonderland completely destroyed, with Salazen Grum being the only thing left standing. Everything was a shade of black, including the sky. Even the _Alice_ characters seemed to be cast into shadow. While they looked around in horror a small black fox scurried by, carrying large tree branches in its mouth.

"Wait!" Felicia/White called after it. The fox stopped, turned around, and bowed at the sight of its rightful Queen. "What's going on here?" Felicia/White inquired of the fox. The fox dropped the tree branches to speak.

"My apologies…. King Bridget commanded all of the animals to gather as much wood as possible," the fox explained quickly, "She wants to burn what's left of Mamoreal to the ground."

"Show me where she is!" Felicia/White demanded. The fox nodded, picked up the branches, and ran off toward Mamoreal. All eight _Alice_ characters (plus Iggy) ran after it, and soon arrived at the castle, panting and out of breath.

The castle was now in ruins. Its turrets and towers had been knocked down and only a couple of walls here and there were left standing. The White Knights had been painted black by King Bridget, who was lounging sideways on the White Queen's old throne (which was also painted black) and yelling, "ALL HAIL _ME_! And double soup Tuesdays for all of the peasants!"

All of the animals that Felicia/White had once ruled kindly over were now gathered around the rubble of Mamoreal, setting them on fire.

"Oh, NUH-UH!" Felicia/White ran at Bridget/McTwisp furiously.

"Hello, my fine peasant," Bridget/McTwisp said as Felicia/White approached her throne.

"Stop this and give me back my crown _now_!" Felicia/White screamed.

"No!" Noelle/Red yelled, running to Bridget/McTwisp, "It's _my_ crown! Give it back to _me_!"

Bridget/McTwisp yawned, stretched, put her arms behind her head, and propped her feet up on the back of a dog that stood in front of the throne.

"Nah..." she said, unconcerned. The rest of the _Alice_ characters approached Bridget/McTwisp, leaving Iggy behind. Iggy looked around and saw a random lever sticking up from the ground and he went over to it in curiosity.

"Okay, Bridget, fun's over," Aleah/Alice said, reaching for the crown. Bridget/McTwisp smacked her hand away and narrowed her eyes at Aleah/Alice.

"It's _mine_," Bridget/McTwisp said, "_I'm_ the ruler of Wonderland!"

"No, _I'm_ the ruler of Wonderland!" Felicia/White and Noelle/Red yelled at the same time.

"There's really only one way to solve this," Damian/Hatter announced, "All of you women fight each other and while you're distracted _I'll_ take the crown." He suddenly covered his mouth with his hand. "Oops, did I just say that out loud?" Noelle/Red and Felicia/White turned and narrowed their eyes at him. "Just a thought," Damian/Hatter shrugged.

"Here's a thought," Jackie/Stayne said, "Why don't you just shut up, you crazy hat boy?" Damian/Hatter stuck his tongue out at her.

"Hm… a fight," Bridget/McTwisp mused, "That could work."

Everyone except for Iggy just stared at her. Bridget/McTwisp rose from the throne and surveyed all of them.

"You," she snapped her fingers at Aleah/Alice, "_If_ you can defeat me, then you can choose whomever you wish to be the ruler of Wonderland."

"Aleah, I don't mean to be rude…" said Jackie/Stayne, "But you suck at fighting.… And I'm pretty sure you would lose if you had to fight carrot-top over here…" she jabbed her thumb toward Bridget/McTwisp, who grinned widely at them.

"Hey, how do you work this contraction?" Iggy shouted suddenly, pulling on the lever. Everyone burst into laughter.

"It's con_trap_tion, Iggy," Felicia/White corrected, rolling her eyes, "Not con_trac_tion." The Tweedles ran over to him and looked at the lever.

"It says 'Push', not 'Pull'," Keely/Dee said.

"Yeah, you idiot," Schuy/Dum added, kicking the lever with her foot.

"NO DON'T DO THAT!" Bridget/McTwisp screamed fearfully.

"Why?" the Tweedles and Iggy asked blankly.

Then Gabe's voice (you know, that cool announcer guy), said, "What you idiots failed to realize, was the sign that said 'lever to destroy Wonderland' right next to you." The Tweedles noticed the sign for the first time.

"Ohh…" they said.

"Where is that voice coming from?!" Iggy shouted, looking up at the sky wildly.

"YOU BUILT A SELF-DESTRUCT LEVER?!" everyone except for the Tweedles and Iggy yelled at Bridget/McTwisp.

"It seemed like a good idea at the time!" Bridget/McTwisp said defensively. Seizing the moment of panic as an opportunity, Damian/Hatter snatched the crown off of Bridget/McTwisp's head and slipped it on over his hat.

"THIS," he yelled in a Scottish accent, "IS WHY WOMEN SHOULDN'T BE RULERS! NOW BACK TO THE KITCHEN WITH ALL OF YOU!"

"For goodness' sake, Damian!" Jaz/Cheshire-Cat yelled at him, "We're about to be blown up here!"

"But, I'm too young to die!" Aleah/Alice sobbed.

"And I'm too sexy to die!" Iggy cried dramatically.

"And _I_ just became King!" Damian/Hatter said angrily.

Suddenly, there was a huge BANG! and everything was instantly obscured by bright blue smoke. All of the _Alice_ characters and Iggy choked and coughed from the thick smoke.

"Can't…breathe…" Aleah/Alice coughed. She passed out and fell over onto Bridget/McTwisp, who fell onto Damian/Hatter. It was a domino effect and pretty soon everyone was on the ground in a large heap, unconscious. Gabe laughed hysterically.

"You guys are so gullible!" he laughed, "Now I'll see you morons later…."

There was a flash of light and everyone disappeared, reappearing moments later back at band practice. They were still passed out and piled on top of each other in a large heap. Damian was the first to wake, and he happened to be on the very bottom of the pile directly underneath Jaz and Aleah.

"Get _off_ of me!" he yelled, grabbing Aleah by the hair and dragging her off of him.

"OW!" Aleah shrieked.

"Hey, get off of me!" Keely said, kicking Iggy off of her legs.

"Dude, get off my arm!" Jaz snapped at Jackie.

"Ow, sorry," Jackie said, disentangling herself from the pile. Felicia sat up and rubbed the back of her head.

"That was weird," she said, picking up her book.

"Totally," Bridget agreed, not even bothering to get off of Noelle, who was trapped beneath her. "But being King was _awesome_."

"Uh…what happened again?" Iggy asked, clueless as usual. Aleah looked around and did a quick head count.

"Wait, if everyone's _here_…" she said, "Then who's left to rule Wonderland?"

"Oh, you'll see.…" Gabe laughed maniacally.

**END**


	5. Harry Potter and the Evil Gnomes

Part Five: Harry Potter and the Evil Gnomes

Over in Wonderland, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, from the _Harry Potter_ series, somehow ended up across the lake from Mamoreal and Salazen Grum. Gabe, that cool announcer guy, sent his evil gnome army to take over it by force. All around the grounds were a multitude of different colored ceramic statues walking around and planting red tulips and tripping the Hogwarts students.

Aleah, Keely, Schuy, Jackie, Noelle, Damian, Jaz, Bridget, and Felicia were playing hide-and-seek at Aleah, Keely, and Schuy's house. (They're sisters, Aleah being the oldest). Jaz was _it_ and stood in the corner of the living room counting up to one hundred with her eyes closed. "Eighty-nine…. Ninety…. Ninety-one…."

The other eight teenagers ran around the house trying to find a place to hide. Aleah ran into the garage and knelt behind one of the cars. While sitting there for several minutes, she found a door about three feet high and five feet wide. Printed on the door was the word WONDERLAND. Forgetting about the game, Aleah jumped to her feet and ran back into the house right as Jaz finished counting.

"Stop the game!" Aleah cried out standing in the middle of the living room. Everyone came out of their hiding places and surrounded her.

"Woman!" Damian yelled at her, "I was about to win!"

"I found an entrance to Wonderland, again. Come on, let's go!" She ran back into the garage and they followed her through the three foot high door, crawling through a tunnel.

"This place is _way_ too small," Felicia said as she crawled behind Damian.

"I've gotta fart," Damian randomly stated.

Felicia's eyes widened in horror, "DON'T YOU DARE!"

"Too late," he said with a sly grin.

Gagging, Felicia came to a halt and collapsed unconscious. "DAMIAN!" the rest shouted after getting a whiff of that awful stench. Aleah, Noelle, Bridget, Jaz, and Damian crawled out of the tunnel into Wonderland, now wearing their _Alice_ outfits. They turned to see the door just randomly in space in the middle of Tulgey Wood and inside the tunnel, the rest were held up by Felicia's unconscious body.

"Damian, I'm gonna kill you!" Jackie yelled from behind the twins.

Bridget/McTwisp crawled back into the tunnel and grabbed hold of Felicia/White's hands and began pulling her out. Once everyone was out of the tunnel and wearing their _Alice_ clothes, Jackie/Stayne ran up to Damian/Hatter and kicked him in the shin.

"Ow!" he cried, hopping up and down, and holding his leg.

At that moment Felicia/White woke up and Jaz/Cheshire-Cat helped her up to her feet. All of the friends looked around and saw that Wonderland was normal and not the scary crazy scene it was when Bridget/McTwisp was king.

Felicia/White then noticed something sticking out of Noelle/Red's sleeve. It was her wand!

"Hey!" Felicia/White cried out, confronting her, "Give me my wand!"

"No, it's _my_ wand," Noelle/Red retorted.

"That's it, Red!" Felicia/White leaped and tackled the Red Queen to the ground where they had an epic wrestling match. After a few minutes, Noelle/Red had Felicia/White pinned. Then, Felicia/White licked Noelle/Red's arm and she pulled back screaming in disgust. With her distracted, Felicia/White grabbed her wand and jumped to her feet, sticking it up her sleeve.

Once the fight was over, all of them walked through the Tulgey Wood and came to a stop in front of a windmill where a tea party was set beside it.

Aleah/Alice and Damian/Hatter said simultaneously, "Awesome! I'm starving!" They all sat down around the table and began eating some of the food laid out.

Felicia/White spotted a squirt bottle filled with a clear liquid on the table, and said while picking it up, "Hey, what's this?" She sprayed it, accidentally hitting Aleah/Alice in the face.

"EEEK!" Aleah/Alice cried out as she shrank down to the size of a mini Barbie.

With an evil grin, Felicia/White said, "Guess what it's time for now, Aleah?"

"What?"

"KELLY CLOTHES!" she crowed in delight.

Aleah/Alice's eyes widened in fear. "NOOOO!" she cried out, trying to run away, but she tripped over her now way too big dress.

Damian/Hatter grabbed hold of the tiny teenager and tossed her into a teapot. "Woman!"

"Hey! LET ME OUT!" she cried out looking up from the teapot.

With fast reflexes, Damian/Hatter stole Felicia/White's wand, conjured up some ropes out of thin air and tied up everyone except himself and Aleah/Alice. "Haha, losers!" He ran off towards Hogwarts with the wand.

Trying to climb out of the teapot, Aleah/Alice screamed, "DAMIAN AND FELICIA, I'M GOING TO KILL BOTH OF YOU!" After remembering she wasn't wearing any clothes, she stopped and continued to hide inside the teapot.

"Crap!" Felicia/White cursed struggling against the ropes, "Damian, bring me back my wand!"

Noelle/Red glared at her. "_Your_ wand?! It's _mine_!"

Everyone sick of their fighting yelled, "SHUT IT, YOU TWO!"

"Come on, guys, we need to get out of these ropes," said Jackie/Stayne.

"Oh! I've got it!" Jaz/Cheshire-Cat exclaimed disappearing. She reappeared moments later on top of a stack of books lying on the table with a wide grin.

"Great idea!" Bridget/McTwisp said, "Now untie us!" Jaz/Cheshire-Cat quickly freed her friends from their prisons.

Once liberated, Felicia/White stormed off after Damian/Hatter and said, "Now let's go get my wand!"

"Hey! What about me?!" Aleah/Alice cried out, feeling forgotten.

With an irritated growl, Felicia/White went back to the table. "Here," she said tossing a bright pink Kelly dress into the teapot.

Aleah/Alice stared at the dress in disgust and chucked it back saying, "No! I am _not_ going to wear this!"

"But you're too flat-chested for a Barbie dress!" Felicia/White argued. The twins snickered at their older sister.

With a scowl, Aleah/Alice retorted, "I'm not _that_ flat-chested, sheesh!" Felicia/White raised her eyebrows giving her a skeptical look. "Okay, okay, maybe I am, but come on! _Kelly?!_"

Sighing in aggravation, Felicia/White said, "Fiiine…." She pulled out a really girly frilly Skipper dress and tossed it into the teapot. "Here."

Aleah/Alice sulkily put on the outfit and climbed out of the teapot. She glanced down getting a good look at what she was wearing. "Ew, it's _pink_…."

"Well, it's all I've got, so come on," Felicia/White snapped grabbing Aleah/Alice and set her on her shoulder.

Before she could move, however, Keely/Dee spotted a frying pan on the table and picked it up. "Hey, check it out! A frying pan!"

"Cool!" said Schuy/Dum picking one up off the ground, "Here's another!"

"Okay, let's go," Felicia/White said impatiently and ran off after Damian/Hatter. The rest of the teenagers followed her and they soon came to a huge black castle beside a lake surrounded by a sea of garden gnomes.

They all stopped in their tracks and stared at the castle in amazement. "Whoa! It's Hogwarts!" Bridget/McTwisp gasped in surprise.

Felicia/White narrowed her eyes as she stared at the castle. "I bet that's where Damian took my wand!" she said angrily.

Suddenly, the gnomes began to attack them! The Tweedles smashed them to bits with the frying pans, and Jackie/Stayne fought valiantly with her sword. Noelle/Red conjured up her card soldiers and had them fight, while she stood off to the side watching and not doing anything. Bridget/McTwisp picked up a handful of stones and chucked them at the gnomes like mini cannon balls. Jaz/Cheshire-Cat went ninja style on them, making Jackie Chan look lame.

Felicia/White fought bravely through the army of gnomes up to Hogwarts, accidentally knocking Aleah/Alice off of her shoulder in the process.

Aleah/Alice fell to the ground and ran around in circles, trying not to get trampled by the dangerous battle. "Help!" she squeaked in a tiny voice.

Upon entering Hogwarts, Felicia/White looked around the crowd of witches and wizards and saw Harry Potter walking down the corridor. All thought was erased from her mind as a dreamy expression crossed her face and she followed him around like a lovesick puppy.

Back at the battle, Jackie/Stayne spotted Aleah/Alice nearly getting crushed by a huge gnome! She grabbed the Barbie-sized teenager and threw her towards a tree. Aleah/Alice screamed as she grabbed onto a twig ten feet above ground and clung to it for dear life.

"Now stay there!" Jackie/Stayne ordered before fighting some more gnomes.

Soon, all of the gnomes were crushed into billions of piles of porcelain.

Then, Gabe, that cool announcer guy, said in his booming voice, "Hmm…. I see you have defeated my gnome army. But can you defeat your worst fear… FRACTIONS?!" A myriad of terrifying fraction problems fell from the sky and the seven teenagers screamed like little girls. "And you can't use a calculator!" he laughed evilly.

"No!" they yelled in horror. One fraction problem smacked into the tree branch Aleah/Alice was on, causing her to fall off and hit her head on a pebble, which to her was the size of a boulder, knocking her out.

Meanwhile, inside Hogwarts, Damian/Hatter became great friends with Fred and George Weasley, the trouble-makers at the school. As a prank, the three guys blew up a toilet in the teachers' bathroom, causing an explosion so big it sent everyone back to Aleah/Alice's house. They all stood in the living room back to normal, except Damian was covered in the contents of the toilet he blew up, and Felicia was holding a broomstick with the words FIREBOLT printed on its side in golden letters, and Aleah was back to her normal size, still wearing the Skipper dress.

When Jackie saw Aleah, she muttered to herself, "Mensa. I told her to stay put."

Felicia spotted her wand in Damian's grasp and snatched it back saying, "I'll take that!"

Jaz scrunched up her nose in disgust. "Ew! Damian, go take a freaking shower! That's so gross!"

"Where did you get the broomstick?" Bridget inquired, staring at the Firebolt in Felicia's hand.

"From my husband," she said with a huge grin.

"Your _husband?!_"

"Yup! Harry Potter is my husband. He just doesn't know it yet. I followed him to his room and when I touched the broomstick, I found myself back here. I think I'll take it out for a ride later."

Noelle looked around and noticed something wrong. "Uh oh…. Where are Schuy and Keely?"

Back in Wonderland, the twins were caught inside a number eight and Gabe laughed evilly at his prisoners….

**End**


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